|
|
Joe Bunn
......was born when he was just a baby. He is indifferent to
marmite.
Sometimes when he writes sentences, he out words.
Joe Bunn can refer to myself in first and third person, but not
second. Or can you? Sometimes he eats his dinner slightly later
than his dad makes it, it's his own small rebellion.
His favourite word is frequently and he aims to use this as
often as he can.
He performs performance poetry:
http://www.myspace.com/joehmbunn, under his own name.
He performs stand up using songs from his own juvenile mind,
sometimes known as Crap Bag:
http://www.myspace.com/bagocrap.
He performs rap under the name MC Nuggets.
He performs semi-serious songs using the name Mr. Ghost, which
also involves Magic, Hypnotism and other stuff and that.
http://www.myspace.com/misterghostmusic
He still sometimes enjoys pretending he can actually sing.
Some men have a fetish for lesbians. But lesbians have a Joe
Fetish.
He does not have a brother called Iced.
He did have a great great aunt named Henrietta.
He still occasionally performs in the band Djelibabis, which
occured as an indirect result of being arrested for picking
flowers. This is a good story. It is long.
Ask to hear it.
http://www.myspace.com/djelibabis
His full name is Joseph Hilton Marion Bunn. This can be made fun
of in two ways: Joseph Stilton Barrion Tin, or Joseph Hilton
Fakename Bunn.
He always lies.
His greatest achievement is a video that is on youtube, which
was blogged by the rapper Example. He didn't enjoy Example's
work until this point, but anyone who calls
him a 'genius' deserves a second chance.
He can play ukulele, and any other instrument which has been
tuned to a ukulele's tuning.
He is multi-talentless.
He is an Unnovator.
His afterbirth has been preserved in the British Museum. It is
known as 'The Placenta of Excellence.'
He is a Brilliantist.
He is Bard of Northampton 2010/11, officially. This isn't
something he just says to appear wordy.
He is Joseph Hilton Marion Bunn. |
 |
Single Edged Sword
So there's one man, and he's collecting money,
for some run-down, poor, starving hungry country
and he's rattling his collection bucket,
it's nothing, fuck it, chuck it in,
and the spare change thrown away in there,
is spare, we've got money to spare,
WE NEED CHANGE
it rattles like
the bars on a ribcage
beans in an empty belly,
like the distended, who've not seen themselves on telly,
the ones with the brand new reebok trainers,
dressed in our wardrobe remainders
but then they're ten sizes too thin,
so that's when then we send in the tins
deer hooves, pigs trotters, cabbage in gelatine
but nothing to open them with,
don't get me right, it's good that you give
but its like sending them water in a sieve.
And this man on the street,
the charity bucket chap
he's shaking out a beat
like he's giving something back
and he roars
'help the poor, put an end to it all
more against war, we need less flaws,
help ethiopia, help africa,
stop the rape in countries far,
down with hunger, down with hate,
aid us with our fight with aids,
long standing problems
need to sit down
stop those unchosen few
from wearing their crowns,
melt them down, and share the wealth
and then we'll all drink water
to our good health.'
But across the road from our chugger at large
another donations bard, with a clipboard,
and he's got some news: 'haven't you heard?
one kid's gone missing, we've all gone mad
it's in the front pages of the national rags
slathered all between the sections of blood red tops
like an emptied bottle of tomato sauce,
looks like the real thing but its not
and now he's got the latest scoop,
this time the truth, it's GM fruits
they're playing god by making these crops,
taking something little and making it lots
that is something we need to stop,
cos over here we've got enough,
so stick some money in the slot
We're all fat enough anyway don't you think?
This paedo's gone free, should be in the clink,
and this is why we need your chinks
that reminds me, jacko died as well,
he touched me, he touched my soul
and we need to raise money so he won't go to hell
he needs to be buried away from everyone
no need to think about everyone else's son,
everyone else's daughter,
everyone else's family,
they weren't famous like Jade and Mikey,
so no need to worry.
Bankroll up, Bankroll up,
ignore the third world,
we're the first for a reason
charity begins at home,
and that's why we're not collecting for the homeless
they've done it to themselves, and regardless,
they'll just spend it on drink and drugs,
whereas we'll spend it on wine,
and coffee mugs
Empty your pockets,
we need your dough,
to send up a rocket
filled up with the ghosts
of tragedies in foreign lands
who cares about people we can't understand
so spend a penny on the world, as it divorces
you from your money, for these unworthy causes.'
And the first man looks at the second and says,
'I'll put a pound in yours
if you put one in mine'
and the second man stares like he's committed some crime,
and says,
'no, if it's not in the papers, it don't need any funds,
that's the way it works, if the story runs
for weeks and weeks we won't forget to remember,
if it's not in the papers,
then it's over, forever.'
And the first man closes his eyes and grins
walks over to where the second's standing
and cracks him in the head, with a sickening sound
and says 'well, i've still given you a pound.'
|
Skinny Jeans Don't Mean a Thing
'I'm so kooky, and i'm so great,' Shut up, i won't salivate,
over chicks who drink their vodka straight
and I'm fed up all all these image based bitches
with faces so sullen they'll break if it twitches,
bits of plucked eyebrow, still stuck in a sneer,
and here, a curled lip,
too cool for school just means you're thick,
or fick, not fit, cos you're not real,
guess what? i wanna see you squeal
as i rip off that well planned, 'thrown together' look outfit,
thin your fat lip from that pouting trout fit
you look a mess, but perfectly,
you're completely fucked up but eloquently,
you are a tramp but elegantly, and it's annoying me,
girls with names like Peaches, Toffee and Jet,
or any other inanimate object,
cos that's all they are, all hollow inside,
that's also why they're skinny but without the flies,
And i'n not chatting about the ones who've been fake tangoed,
who squawk instead of talk, with their knickers round their
ankles,
the girls i mean don't bother with underwear,
they somehow think it's classier,
with their white blonde hair in a bob, and skin as pale,
so much mascara, their lashes look like tails.
Conforming to be different,
uniform uniqueness,
think they're blessed,
gotta wash my image before i come to the fest,
aren't 'insert indie band here' the best?
Real women are curveballs, not all sweetness and light,
but not all sneers, jeers and spite,
real women, they have cellulite,
when they take off their trousers it leaves indents in their
hips,
knickers marks on around their thighs, cos you can't photoshop
real life,
and that's a turn on, cos it means it's real,
not just some ten minute trial deal.
They're sometimes rude, and sometimes polite,
they're something that you cant define.
But i'll try.
Sometimes bare skin without make up honestly doesn't make men
sick,
they like it when your face is not a trick.
Creative is also turn on,
when you're both Andy Warhol AND Edie Sedgwick,
when you've read the script but still ad lib.
That's what a real woman is.
I think.
|
What a Water Girl
you're a cool drink of water baby
and you look like you wanna be drunk
you're as fluid as the ocean baby
and i'm the boat that wants to be sunk
you're the drops of rainwater baby
that fall from the sky to my mouth
and you're the puddle on my way to work baby
the one that makes me wanna a'splash around
i got dry lips
cos i ain;t got yours to kiss
dry mouth
feel like somethings amiss
dry hands
cos i aint got yours to hold
so i better soak you up baby
soak you and your soul
you're what pours from a water can baby
and makes the flowers come out to bloom
you're the moisture in the milky way baby
and you're the frozen lakes on the moon
you're the rivers and the reservoirs baby
you're the leak that pours from a dyke
you're the tears in my crying eyes baby
when you say goodbye or you say goodnight
i got dry lips
cos i ain;t got yours to kiss
dry mouth
feel like somethings amiss
dry hands
cos i aint got yours to hold
so i better soak you up baby
soak up you and your soul
I'm as dry as a bone,
and i'm as dry as sand,
i'm as dry as the desert
i'm as dry as a man,
a man who needs to be soulmated
so come on then lady
help me get hydrated
i got dry lips
cos i ain;t got yours to kiss
dry mouth
feel like somethings amiss
dry hands
cos i aint got yours to hold
so i better soak you up baby
soak up you and your soul
you're a cool drink of water baby
and you look like you wanna be drunk
you're as fluid as the ocean baby
and i'm the boat that wants to be sunk
|
| |
|