LEDGER DE LA BALD

Ledger de la Bald is, probably, the only poet who has been banned from ever performing at a venue again due to Cornflakes. Various other venues have only allowed him through the door after he has been searched to ensure that he has no Cornflakes hidden about his person.

He has performed as part of 'The Weird Words Project', whose main claim to fame is that they had a combined weight of thirty nine stone-and there were only two of them. Ledger de la Bald says that this is the only time in his performing career that hecklers thought twice about opening their gobs.

Ledger de la Bald genuinely does not know why a reviewer once described him as 'A ranting psychotic anarcho-poet with a killer bee in his bonnet' and is still, many years later, trying to work out if this was a compliment or an insult.

He once, quite by accident, found himself reciting his work at a 'Serious' poetry reading. At the end of this the organiser thanked him profusely and said, in all seriousness, 'It has probably done us good to have someone like you come along and lower the tone'.

Ledger de la Bald is more frequently described as 'Large, hairy, a little scary and very very funny.”

He is based 'Up Norf' and is mobile.

The book is finally done folks;
http://www.thegreatwhiteprawn.co.uk/home

Grandpa

Grandpa was a jolly old man,

With rheumatics in his knees,

When we were small, though he was kind,

With us he always liked to tease.

We had to be very careful when,

He gave us pocket money,

He would heat up the coins with his lighter,

He seemed to find this awfully funny.

While we howled and clutched at blistered fingers,

Grandpa would cackle insane,

Grab the coins and steal our sweets,

Which we would never ever see again.

Grandpa made sure that we kept quiet,

When he had his afternoon nap,

'cos he'd kept his pistol from World War One,

And he used to sleep with it on his lap.

One day he was awaken from this doze,

By my sister, when she was four,

From only three feet Grandpa missed,

It makes you wonder how he survived the war.

Grandpa would encourage our schoolkid pranks,

Scrumping, door tapping, the usual crap,

Then he'd tell our Mum what we;d been doing,

And sit there grinning whilst we got a good slap.

But, eventually, I grew too old to be teased,

And, oh, then came that glorious day,

When I ran up behind him in the street,

And kicked his fuckin' zimmer frame away.

© Ledger de la Bald

Colin The Braincell

I've got a little braincell,

Colin is his name,

And every time that I get drunk,

He plays this little game;

He allows me to walk home from the pub,

He lets me go to bed,

Then he gets his moped out,

And rides it around my head.

© Ledger de la Bald

e-mail baldilocks_54@hotmail.co.uk

Phone no, 07971 859 098